Captivated by Love

I was captivated by my parents love story since I was a child…My mum first told me of their Love story when I was 8 years old.

By then I was slowly becoming consumed by romance in the form of movies…both Mollywood(Tamil), Bollywood (Hindi) and Hollywood…

So finding love was a strong motivator in my life from a young age…

I am not proud of the foolishness it brought to my teenage life or that of my first love which destroyed me and made Me…..

Weirdly underneath the foolishness of romance and youth, some part of me even then knew how it should feel to be in love…most importantly to be truely loved….

Because there were those moments,  while in my first relationship I knew something was not right…

But familiarity, time and wanting not to disappoint, which was inbuilt by our culture in regard to its expectations of women or girls made me Stay..Fix…Hope…Run…..Return…..Fix, Pray & Hope…..Finally lose my identity, but Stay..

Truth is part of it was also my ego…”coming from a respectable family, I didn’t want to fail in love”….

Some part of me wishes that I had listened to those whispers within telling me this is not the “great love” I have been seeking….And most importantly at times the sinking feeling in my gut.

Just so I could have saved some years of my youth….But I did wake up…..hard not to when the “other” shatters “ the half way wall” you keep building on a supposed life…So finally I Left.

I learned it is okay to Give up sometimes…..

Importantly Realise “that if someone doesn’t Love themselves they cannot Love another”……..And that our mission in life is not to save another’s soul even if you are partners or even parent & child…

That was the first time in my adult life, I began seeking that little girl…who lived life spontaneously …who was happy and adventurous…enjoying the simple things in life…..

As I slowly started finding myself…though years had been lost, I felt and according to others look younger than I had in my twenties……

So am I captivated by “love and romance” still? You may wonder…Well Yes…But I believe now the Great Love we all seek is Self Love… not one of Ego but with Respect for oneself  in Humility …

2 thoughts on “Captivated by Love

  1. Wow! An amazing post. Really felt your genuineness and vulnerability. Very soul-bearing. I’m sure everyone can relate to at least some part of your story.

    Liked by 1 person

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