Thank you Laurie for motivating me with your post on Four Something, who writes https://meditationsinmotion.wordpress.com and Heather Gerwing for her “Four Somethings” for such a beautiful idea. In between I know August has begun but the post is still about July 😊
Something loved was my dayoff with my daughter last week,the 40 minutes lying in her bed and listening to her imagination run wild…It was so relaxing and not the usual part of my day with her. I always think she needs crafty and energetic activities to keep her engaged. But that day she surprised me because Madam woke at 4 am and did not want to sleep… Her antics tired my husband plenty. When I took over around 6.30 am, she was bouncing off the wall. I thought the day was going to be a nightmare. In the end, most of the day was a good because I was engaging with her mentally one to one.
Being a parent is one of the hardest roles we take on in our life, both emotionally and physically. A role where you are second guessing yourself in regard to whether you are doing a good job. One of the toughest stage, as many of you will agree is when they are toddlers.
My child is one of those determined, full of energy being. She is challenging and I often comment on how she is a handful. Then I read this awesome article last week, which has given me a better perspective. Below is an extract from it:
“Like 10 percent of all children, Mackenzie, a sweet, loving boy, is what is known as a “spirited child.” These are the kids we refer to as “challenging,” “strong-willed” or worse — traditionally they’ve been slapped with labels like “difficult” or “problem child.” Spirited children may be more intense, more persistent and more energetic than average. “These kids live life bigger and bolder than other kids,” says Michael Popkin, author ofTaming the Spirited Child. This can mean they’re enthusiastic and determined. But when they’re little, this temperament often translates into behaviour that’s frustrating for parents — for example, a baby who screams when you don’t hold him, a toddler who never sits still”
It’s natural for a parent to wonder: ‘Did I do something to make him act that way?’ But parents need to know it’s not their fault that their child is spirited,” says Sara King, a child psychologist at the IWK Health Centre in Halifax. “It’s just the way that genetics and environment mix up in that particular child.”
Parents of spirited kids can learn how to manage this temperament. And as your child gets more independent, he’ll start doing these tricks to help himself. “Right now it’s driving you crazy,” says Popkin. “But if that child learns to use those traits constructively, they’ll be real assets for the child in the future.”
This is also my something learnt. After reading the above article I realised my daughter is one of the 10% of children labelled as “challenging” “difficult” “naughty”. I realised that I have been part of the label slapping especially with my daughter. Which is not fair on children like these or any other children with any other conditions which make them different to the supposed ‘norm’. Because we already set them up for failures as they cannot meet the supposed behavior of a “normal” child(said with much sarcasm) . I feel me labelling her, might have also paved the pathway for others to “label” her. I felt sad by this revelation.
Raising children like my daughter is hard work and takes up most of mine and my husband’s energy. But after reading these articles, it is no longer going to mentally burden me. As I realise my expectations of her behavior and how I tackle dramas need to change. Because unlike before when she was naughty, I didn’t understand why? and often frustrated, I took her behavior personally. Now I know that’s not the case. This and other related articles provide examples of parenting style that make sense to these kids. For example anger & threat does not work instead direct logical consequence. Practising this in the last few days, I see her listening.
It is interesting like all things in life, change in perspective makes such a difference. It is nothing to be diagnosed, only embraced by us firstly as her parents and to see the world from her 3 year old eyes.
I will finish this with something said, a beautiful quote my husband found and said to me.
In reference to below quote. What makes my daughter, magical and full of life is her social, bubbly nature, her ability to tell stories full of expressions & emotions, her love for music and dancing and her determination to figure out how things work, often painful to us as parents. Her creative play using the not the obvious props and her humour when she mimics me when I’m being serious ” are you kidding me mummy? “😁
Ocean photos from recent holiday.
As a child I wanted to accumulate variety of experiences life had to offer.Thrill of what awaits each day always the motivator, on my path of discovering the world.
I see that in my daughter’s eyes…. It is beautiful and powerful when they discover something new or figure out how something works.
The brightness in their eyes, that is what we slowly lose as we grow older.
So can you keep that alive? Or is it inevitable that it will burn less bright as the years pass.
Thou true, I think even as adults tied to routine, partly a little disenchanted by life, we still light up like children do, when we do or talk about something we love and excited by. I see it in people, when you get them to talk about their hobbies or a book or movie they love.
Of course as adults you cannot just do what you like 24/7, bills to pay, chores to do and children to look after.
Some have advised me life changes when you take that excitment you have for the things you love, to everything else in your life. It is ambitious, true to some extent but I found it cannot be sustained.
Making everything fun and exciting is not only always possible but sometimes it takes far too much energy that it is quite exhausting.
I remember when I got back to work after maternity leave. I used to think my days with my daughter must be filled with much fun and joy. Keeping the excitement level up after a few weeks gradually got harder. Because it is hard work keeping a toddler entertained😊
There are some days at work however I try, I cannot make it interesting. But you do it because it needs to be done and of course did I mention I get paid 😊
For years the fact my job wasn’t my passion used to thwart me. May be there were times when I should have walked away and followed my writing… I don’t know.
Some people are lucky to earn a living and dedicate their life to their passion or what they love. But not all of us are. And face it they also have their crappy, hard days and at times bored or frustrated. I remember my teacher at a Writting Course I attended, who is an Author said this about her writing career.
A thought that appeases my mind, imagine how will a society function? if we all only do what we love. What about all the mundane jobs that is necessary for a society to function efficiently.
This is not me telling you not to follow your dreams…I am only sharing my experience.
Because it took me a while to know what I really wanted to do, by then I had built a career, that facilitated a life style and another passion of mine then. Once I nearly did leave to follow what I thought was my passion. But stayed because I was offered a role I really wanted.
Now I am in a place, where my job is enabling me to explore my writing passion and support my family. My current role is challenging, that I am growing as a person.
This is the beauty of getting older, your perceptions of life mature and you care less about other’s perceptions. I am beginning to see life is fluid and it plateaus. Acceptance of it gives you the mind frame to not let yourself feel down, each time the waves dip.
Discovering however small or big, things you love doing or that make you feel alive and filling much of your life with it, does keep the light in your eyes bright.
This is why I truly believe in my first post where I talked about tapping into your younger self.
Tap into that child… And regain your dreams and curiosity for life, so you can discover your passions now. Whether fleeting or imaginary some of your childhood dreams were. It will take you on a path of discovery. Because it is all about trying remember what made you happy and excited. I remember I wanted life to be fun, joyful, filled with love, journey of discovery and about family.
You discover aspects of yourself that you had forgotten. I realised most of mine were centered around being creative, I wanted to be fashion designer while I looked like my favourite heroine 😊. A lot of my play was imagination, as I played out my favorite TV shows with my siblings.
As I got older I discovered expressions via words captivated me. I immersed myself in world of books. This where my passion for writing began unknowingly and ever so subtly.
Going back to that child helps me come back to create, a life I want to live now.
Life, it’s journey unique to each, yet with commonality. Roads may differ, as we travel and at times we meet at crossroads. but beginning and end feels the same for all…
A quote by Moi😊
Spring how I miss you so…. It is middle of winter in Sydney.
I know our winters are not as cold as many countries. But this winter, I really feel the cold! I guess falling sick at the beginning doesn’t help too.
In 1.5 month, spring will bring forth it’s beauty, glimpses of warmth of the summer to come and abundant of colours.
I am having a bit of ‘writers block’, if I can call it that. I want to write, but not sure about what.
I took sometime out from blogging due to various reasons and now I am back feeling a little empty.
It partly may be due to the fact, I have been on 3 courses of antibiotics, which has zapped some of my creative juices 😁
I am at a weird point in my life…i have never been here before. I question a lot of things, some things I held sacred are losing their place.
On the spiritual journey it is good to question, as then only you can pierce through the veils to unravel the supposed truth, this I have read and heard from some wise people. But when events occur, sweeping away like a hurricane, some of the foundations of your beliefs and faith, it is hard to see the above purpose. It makes me actually angry. Then sad…Because I thought I had found some unchanging fundementals to build my faith and beliefs on.
Don’t be mistaken, I don’t need life to be pretty roses down the garden path or neatly gift wrapped with a pretty bow.
I have had my fair share of pain. I not only survived but my faith in the higher power or aka God and it’s spark in me brought me, much strength and joy.
But now sometimes I question this higher power, when life seems so random in its cause and effect. These life changing events I have witnessed lately is not even in my life but those close to me.
It has shaken me… Why? Because these events don’t fit the equation of cause and effect of what I can see on the physical plane.
I know there are many unknowns at play in this universe, that I may never become aware of.
So how to move on with life, assemble the fragments of pieces that is your beliefs, faith and life that lie around you. Firstly you move on because time waits for no one. Secondly because survival and hope are our two strong innate drivers as human beings.
But like many of you I thrive on meaning for most things. A purpose, a goal and examples of good defeating the bad; love, faith and hope overcoming all the obstacles thrown at it. Even when I was in my pain, these true stories inspired and motivated me to keep trying after many failures. Others happiness fuled my drive. But now around me, when I see pain, hardship and broken lives. At times it makes it hard for me to be positive or inspired.
All this has brought me to a conclusion, that my need to find meaning and things to make sense is the issue. So I won’t seek it. Life need not make sense, it need not be put in a neat little equation.
I can only live my life from where I am now, who I am and who I strive to be. On the way my beliefs may change and I will see life’s ugly face enough times, that sometimes hope for the better may look bleak.
But ultimately I like the version of me who has hope, faith and who is centered within more than the hopeless and disheartened one. Yes I will be latter once in awhile, wallow in anger, sadness and pity. But I cannot stay there too long.
Ultimately spirituality is about living a happier life for yourself and the effect of it spreading to others. I am no longer seeking “equanimity or detachment” as I used to. Nor the undefinable goal of ” liberation”, which I don’t think I ever did.
There are so many things in the world, that we are not in control of. But there are tools to dealing with it and how we react or respond to them.
Quotes time 😊
” Feel the feeling. Don’t become the emotion. Witness it. Allow it and Release it. ” Wachabuy. com
Key tool on this path I feel is your mind. It is the problem giver and the solver, how we manage it decides “Your World”. Because yes most of it is from your perception of things, people and situations around you.
Another quote 😊
” It all begins and ends in your mind. What you give power to has power over you, if you allow it ” Anonymous
So to sum it up “Live your life to be a good example of what you believe ” Robert D Hales. That’s all we can do…
Bonsai tree, outside a Japanese restaurant symbolic of the patience and nuture of its care taker.
These floating pots decorated the foyer of Mulia Resort in Bali. We were there for their famous Sunday Brunch.
A decorational piece at a wedding which happened at the resort we stayed at.
Below was the wedding altar….where two people made a commitment to a life of togetherness.